more presents :)
the Christmas Eve wave
mommy and daddy
Our big little 4 year old!
our 4 blessings :)
Some things are simply easier said than done, but it's a new year and time for me to face my blog. I hate to admit it, but I haven't even been able to look at it in the last few months. It's silence however, has been screaming at me for quite some time. Truthfully, it has always been my desire to be very honest about our journey together as a family. So many times in this life people hide the difficult stuff, trying to pretend everything is okay, either so people won't judge or condemn them, or maybe just because nobody likes to admit failure. I don't really know. But I do know that in some of the most difficult and darkest moments of my life, God has done some of His best work. And His work is something I definitely don't want to hide, it's something I want to display. It is in this spirit that I openly share my heart.
When I wrote my last post, I had absolutely no idea what would soon be staring me in the face. I knew August would bring with it a big move and changes, but I had no clue just how many other changes there would be in my life. Details aren't important, and many of you already know them, but my marriage hit a crisis. Actually crisis is putting it rather mildly. In just one week, my life crumbled in front of me in so many ways. I have never felt so alone, abandoned and betrayed. I was faced with some very difficult decisions that would in many ways define my family. I had so many questions and so few answers. With only One place to turn, I ran to the Creator of this family. You see, you can't possibly go through all the paperwork and travel halfway around the world to adopt three children with special needs, come home and NOT see the hand of God move. He moved so MANY, MANY mountains to get our children home. He revealed His heart to us time and time again during our trip. Truly if you think you haven't heard from or seen God move in a tangible way in your life, I urge you to travel the road of adoption. I guarantee you will see nothing short of miracles. So with the knowledge that God hand picked these children for our family, I also knew that God hand picked my husband to be their father, and my husband. Even though I couldn't see it, I knew I just had to cling to His promises, knowing that His love for me is far greater than anything I face. And I can say that once I took my stand before my Father, again I got to see His hand move in a very dramatic way. He is bigger than the betrayal, stronger than the hurt in my heart. In my sorrow, He gives me strength. I am never, nor have I ever been alone. Thankfully, my God is in the business of restoration AND resurrection. I am seeing it in the lives of my children and now in my own marriage. Since restoration takes places in the heart, it truly is a process, and not always an easy one. This is by far the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, and I'm sure my husband would say the same thing. It's not a road we travel down alone, and we trust that the One who is leading us knows what He's doing.
Now on to the exciting stuff:
Tati, Ana and Eli are doing amazing! I love watching them change and grow. I just can't believe these three are the same kids we brought home! Tati has started speaking more. She now says mama, daddy (didi), and bye. Of course she is really starting to pick up the first sounds of certain words, so I'm sure there will be plenty more from our chatty cathy soon. She also loves to give hugs and kisses.
Ana just turned four on Christmas Day! She went from not moving at all at the orphanage, to climbing, standing, scooting, crawling, cruising and now walking with a walker or holding someone's hand. We are really working on her confidence right now because I know she CAN walk on her own, she just won't. She also said her very first words yesterday....mama and ba (bye) while waving! Beyond that, she no longer rips her hair out (an awful orphanage behavior), and has become a much more GENTLE child. Oh, and I almost forgot, she can now feed herself! Her poor little face is rosy red and chapped from all the teething she is doing...4 teeth all at once keeps her fingers in her mouth constantly. We still have a long way to go with her chewing, but we are so very proud of how far she has come in the last seven months!
Now little Eli, he is also doing really well. He makes eye contact much more with us and really seems to know we are "his" people. He is CRAWLING, which is amazing considering the fact that he would randomly fall over from a sitting position at the orphanage because he lacked the strength. He does have a SERIOUS temper, but we are working on that one! ;) Eli has also made great improvement in the area of eating. He will chew and bite off food and with help can feed himself. So proud of my little man!
Of course, I can't forget to mention my little Bella baby, who is just getting so big! She is such a GOOD "big" sister. I just love how she loves her brother and sisters. We do of course have many, many moments, but generally speaking we are just so blessed. Our kids are awesome. And speaking of kids, God has seen fit to give us a "surprise" blessing. I am beginning my second trimester, so this summer we will welcome another brother or sister to the family. I know poor Eli is really pulling for a boy with all these girls in the house! Honestly, I am just constantly amazed at how good and how gracious our God is. He always gives us so much more than we deserve and He is always more than enough.